Michelle Obama’s Healthy Eating Propaganda Hasn’t Reached Iran Yet

Thursday, June 7

Subject: Pediatric Epicureanism in Iran (most likely Shiraz!)
Time: 2:05pm

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Subject: Sympatico Con Fumar!
Time: 2:59pm

Friday, June 8

Subject: A Tiger Mom’s Dream
Time: 10:30am

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Subject: Foreign Bodies’ Intrusion: Why We Need Immigration Reform!
Time: 10:33am

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Subject: Artificial Trachea Mistaken As Sexual Device
Time: 10:37am

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Subject: Ladjevardi, Khomeini’s Torturer
Time: 10:42am

Because he failed an assassination attempt on the Premier Mansour, he began selling women’s under-garments…and this is how the Islamic Revolution started.

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Subject: The Ancient Use of Hybrid Vehicles
Time: 10:56am

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Subject: When The Caspian Was The Center of the World
Time: 11:00am

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Subject: Only Real Angels Blow Hard!
Time: 11:01am

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Subject: The Treasury Goes Cute!
Time: 11:09am

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Subject: Flan…Felan-e Hameye Shoma! Up your Felon!
Time: 3:55pm

Buhahahahah!

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Subject: Up Your Phelon!
Time: 6:31pm

Yesterday

Subject: A Dish For A Homophobe
Time: 6:55pm

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Subject: Mortshifteh Farahani
Time: 8:54pm

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Subject: Demi-Weiners with High Glycemic Indexes
Time: 8:57pm


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Subject: One’s Turban Color Should Always Match One’s Taxi!
Time: 8:59pm

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Subject: Cholesterol Reduction Strategy
Time: 9:01pm

For every egg yolk, drink a bottle of red wine…

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